It was tough. Really tough. I would wake up just as the sun rises as my mother would pour my sisters and I a bowl of cereal and get our lunches ready for the school day. Then, we would be off to wait for the big yellow bus. As I stand there anticipating the buses’ arrival I would tell myself, “It will be okay Cassandra. Maybe today will be different.”
For some reason it was always a competition as to see who gets the back seat first. Usually occupied by the older kids. How I wish I could have the pleasure of sitting in the back seat but I am afraid so I take a seat closest to the bus driver as possible. I hear the other children on the bus making their cruel remarks, “Look at that fur ball,” “She just should of stayed home,” “Eww no one likes her!”
I just sit there and pretend I didn’t hear anything. Trying my hardest to hold back the tears that so badly want to roll down my face yet a tear somehow manages to escape. Just one lonely tear. I can feel my heart beating twice as fast. I look out the window to see my school getting closer and closer as the bus goes slower and slower. Finally, the bus comes to a complete stop and its giant doors proceed to open.
Even though there is about 5 minutes until the bell rings I start walking to where the other kids in my class would line up. As I pass all my school mates, I see a group of girls gathered around a game of double dutch. I would love to play! To feel the rush of my classmates cheering me on as I break the groups record! Who am I kidding, they can barely stand to be in the same room as me, let alone the same game. I proceed to walk towards the entrance.
I walk towards my desk which is right in front of the teachers’ desk. I hear all the other kids gossiping about what they did last night and planning there next adventures they where going to endure with each other. I try to make eye contact with them hoping that I’ll get an invite too! To my despair I just get judgmental looks of disgust. Their excitement for their future adventures are then interrupted by their cruel need to put me in my place. Reminding me that no one likes me and no one would dare to even want me to hang out with them.
As the bell sounds, signaling recess I ask my teacher if I could stay in. Maybe help her mark the math pop quiz we had that morning. I know from previous experience that recess just gives the other kids an excuse to push me around, and false hope that they would want to play with me by playing “tag” just so they can all laugh and run away.
Today so happens to be Hot Lunch day. Where the school orders Dominos Pizza for all the kids that pre ordered a week prior. The yummy smell of melted cheese and crispy pepperonis tickles my nose and makes my tummy growl. I grab my lunch pail and start to unwrap my bologna sandwich that my mom packed for today. My mom does everything she can but we just couldn’t afford hot lunches. I watch all the other kids in my class get called one by one for their pizza and their chocolate milk as I take the first bites of my sandwich.
The bus ride home was always too long. My stops was one of the last stops. It would give the kids on the bus a chance to keep tormenting me until their stop relieves me. I just wanted to burst out and scream. I wanted to take a stand and fight for myself but I would just look like a fool. There was no way I could stand up to all these kids… There is just too many of them! Maybe they’re right about me. Maybe there is something wrong with me. They never want to give me a chance. It could of been something I’ve done… Was it something I said?
Bullying is a terrible thing. It took a lot to for me to write this but this is an ongoing issue that should not be taken lightly. I have dealt with this issue from kindergarten through till about high school. If your a victim then just know, you are not alone.